so what's new?
well, a friend has recenlty passed away.
on 8/21 Ben was in a fatal accident.
what is there to say about him?
he was a good friend that always had away an interesting way of handling people. he could make anyway feel comfortable around him and was always a good time. not one to talk or say much, but when he did he always revealed an interesting perspective on things.

we never know when are time is up. i just can't believe he's really gone. i'm not going to be able to make his funeral since it's just way to far to go to, i was going to take a train and bus but it's pretty much in the middle of knowhere on the beach.

it hasn't really hit me that he's gone, just a few days ago i was having fun visiting family--talking and living without a care in the world. and as soon as i comeback this is what i find out.

for the longest time i have had no fear of death almost to the point where some of my friends say that i almost seem to welcome and taunt it. and i guess in some senses i do, but i also guess i partly prefer to remain optimistic about the terrors and evils of the world. i remain blissful to many things and undecisive to even more things, but when people that seemingly deserve to live are suddenly taken... it just tends to make things seem so unfair.

i'm not one to open up and even when i'm serious i still have this smile and humor that makes me seem a little oblivious to any real or serious conversation. so i've decided just to write this little journal to help me cope and realize my friends death and to just find something to vent out my frustrations.

i don't expect any responses to this more like i expect people to just do what it is they do, live.
to do everything they can in life, to live without regrets, the only things you should ever regret are the things you haven't done. maybe i should be taking this advice myself, and i'll try, maybe it will give me a better perspective on looking at the mystery of life.

well, cheers Ben